you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
