Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
