you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
