You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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