i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
