she was so not down for the gang bang
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He shit in the fireplace
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
