He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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