You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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