Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
