Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
