Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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