my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
