chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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