My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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