This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
