You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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