your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
