If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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