I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
