dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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