Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
