Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
