Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize