remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
