sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
