Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
