I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
