how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
