I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
