yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
