We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
