i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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