Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
