So drunk its hurt
420 ftw
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
