i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
