We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
