imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
