I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
