So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
