Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
be right there i have to get my cape
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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