His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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