I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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