when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
