I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
