I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
