And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
