I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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