When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
being pregnant is like rehab
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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