thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
