we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
