Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
