Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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