I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
